Sunday, January 02, 2005

Trapped in the Past

...He was scared by our sudden intrusion with my birds. Lying down on his mat in the middle of his spacey lounge with his unshaven face and bigger right eye he looked a bit odd and much older than his age. The bloody Sun Signs book was over his head on the table. The same book that has spoilt his last days of the past year and the first day of the new one with its bitter truth.

The book says: “A taciturn expert at circumlocution he is. A scatterbrain and a chatterbox he is not. Don’t expect this man to bare his soul when he first meets you. Cancerians never confide in strangers, and there are certain things even their best friends don’t know…” Perhaps these words had had a hair-raising effect on him and made him call me, his best friend, to disclose the hidden parts of his life, his bitter adolescence, his heart-breaking experiences in the family, his disillusions and some other little facts.

By no means had I felt insulted that I was not aware of all those things. However, it was his wrong perception and it made him feel even worse: for two days he preferred to stay indoors rather than fulfilling his promise to come and see my birds on New Year’s Eve.

I didn’t know and don’t know yet how to give him a new lease of life. Whatever I said perhaps remained unheard. Sometimes I could see him nodding very feebly though, as if he did agree with my rhetoric that he had to come out of the past, move on, think of today and look forward to the future. I was trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel and show it to him.

Nevertheless, he was not willing to step out the flat, as if a huge ogre was waiting for him just outside with a big dagger to stub him… I don’t want to go on with this story, but it has added some more bitterness to my current days. Ahura Mazda is the one who can help me overcome these misgivings…

In the outer world while tsunami toll is believed to exceed 150 000, strong international criticisms have made the stingy US government increase its miserable $ 35 m donation to $ 350 m! But it doesn’t make the most powerful country in the world the biggest donor of the quake-stricken countries. Japan became the single largest donor on Saturday with $500m. Ordinary people in UK have collected £ 50 m (over $90 m) and more coming in every hour, since the campaign is still going on at the tube stations and across the country. Indeed, money is the best way to help in such a situation.

It seems like a sign of “the end of the world” – a most persistent belief of many religions that endured. Is it really a way to Armageddon?
This apocalyptic belief traces back to Asho Zoroaster’s teachings. However, in those sacred teachings end-of-time means a glorious consummation of order (Spenta-Mainyu) over disorder (Angra-Mainyu), known as “making wonderful”, in which “all things would be perfect, once and for all”. (Norman Cohn, a British historian).

But until the strongest country is ruled by a moron, disorder will prevail.

Down with the Moron! Hail the Order!

Good chanting before the bed-time after the first day of the year...

And this strange experience of going to bed alone. It is never going to end.
I miss Her whispers more than my little birds miss her home-made cakes...

1 comment:

Shamsi said...

i only know this year was not the best one in his life. i suppose he must be damn tired. when you are tired you see everytihing in black and grey. i think he badly needs a good break, he needs some change...