Lost

I don’t know what I waited for;
A miracle to fall on shoulders?
A bunch of angels in a choir?
A velvet rain to wash the borders?

I don’t know what I now expect;
A phoenix to sit on my lap?
A curve of rainbow to erect,
To bridge the real with my nap?

I don’t know what I find untrue;
A stricken tree in a typhoon?
A nation to embrace voodoo?
A prophecy in a balloon?

I don’t know what is to forget;
My search for heavenly a path?
Or bitter taste of the sunset?
Or sunrise of a godly wrath?

I don’t know why I am so lost;
Did I believe in a mirage?
Could I distinguish heat and frost?
Where is the coast in this voyage?

06.02.07
01:25 AM
London

Inspiring Winter Breeze

چه خوش گذشت نسيم شب زمستانی
که می وزيد به آسودگی مهمانی

دل گرفته غزل های خفته باز نهاد
قلم دويد و نوشتش به اوج آسانی

رهيده تر ز آرزوی قلب ديوانه
رسيده تر ز کلام وزين ديوانی

ولی خجالت ما پيش اوليا باقيست
ز رودکی زرفشانی و ز خاقانی

02.02.07
02:45 AM

Chi xush guzasht nasimi shabi zimistoni
Ki mevazid ba osudagii mehmone

Dili girifta ghazalhoi xufta boz nihod
Qalam davidu navishtash ba awji osoni

Rahidatar zi orzui qalbi devona
Rasidatar zi kalomi vazini devone

Vale xijolati mo peshi awliyo boqist
Zi Rudakii Zarafshonivu zi Xoqoni.

***

Che xosh gozasht nasime shabe zemestani
Ke mivazid be asudegiye mehmani

Dele gerefte ghazalhaye xofte baz nehad
Qalam david o neveshtesh be owje asani

Rahidetar ze arezuye qalbe divane
Rasidetar ze kalame vazine divani

Vali xejalate ma pishe owliya baqist
Ze Rudakiye Zarafshani vo ze Xaqani

Transoxonian Drop

در اين سرای دودر من دمی نياسودم
مسافه هر چه بدانی، عزيز، پيمودم

گناه، هر چه شناسی، قرين من بوده
ثواب، هر چه شماری، قرين آن بودم

شباب، در تن من هست و در وجودم نيست
خراب، هر چه که آباد بوده در بودم

طناب، هر چه فکندند، به بال من ننشست
کتاب، هر چه نوشتند، به خنده آلودم

اگر عزيز، تويی، يوسفی ز کنعانم
خطر سرشت من است و سزای نمرودم

مطاع پيرهنم رستگاری قوم است
ظريف و ناب ترين قطره ورارودم

02.02.07
02:15 AM

Dar in saroi dudar man dame nayosudam
Masofa har chi bidoni, aziz, paymudam

Gunoh har chi shinosi, qarini man buda
Savob har chi shumori, qarini on budam

Shabob dar tani man hastu dar vujudam nest
Xarob har chi ki obod buda dar budam

Tanob har chi fikandand, ba boli man nanishast
Kitob har chi navishtand, ba xanda oludam

Agar Aziz tui, Yusufe zi Kan'onam
Xatar sirishti man astu sazoi Namrudam

Mato'i pirahanam rastagorii qawm ast
Zarifu reztarin qatrai Varorudam

***

Dar in saraye dodar man dami nayasudam
Masafe har che bedani, aziz, peymudam

Gonah har che shenasi, qarine man bude
Savab har che shomari, qarine an budam

Shabab dar tane man hast o dar vojudam nist
Xarab har che ke abad bude dar budam

Tanab har che fekandand, be bale man naneshast
Ketab har che neveshtand, be xande aludam

Agar Aziz toi, Yusefi ze Kan'anam
Xatar sereshte man ast o sezaye Namrudam

Mata'e pirehanam rastegariye qowm ast
Zarif o riztarin qatreye Vararudam

Scattered Pieces

آخر نرمی، آخر سختی است
عمق بدبختی، اوج خوشبختی است.

Oxiri narmi oxiri saxtist,
Umqi badbaxti awji xushbaxtist.

َAxare narmi axare saxtist,
Omqe badbaxti owje xoshbastist.

***

حيفا که نفس از قفس سينه هدر رفت
هوش دل غافل به تمنای کمر رفت

خورشيد اهورايی بسی خسته ما شد
دردا که هوس از پی نوری به قمر رفت.

Haifo, ki nafas az qafasi sina hadar raft
Hush az dili ghofil ba tamannoi kamar raft
Xurshedi ahuroi base xastai mo shud
Dardo, ki havas az pai nure ba qamar raft

Heyfa ke nafas az qafase sine hadar raft
Hush az dele ghafel be tamannaye kamar raft
Xorshide ahurai basi xasteye ma shod
Darda ke havas az peye nuri be qamar raft

***

آيينه های دق
افسرده ترين لحظه بيچارگی من
پربارتر از چشم تماشای شما بود
افسون شما همسر افسانه های من
هرگز نبود و نيست

Oyinahoi daq
Afsurdatrin lahzai bechoragii man
Purbortar az chashmi tamoshoi shumo bud
Afsuni shumo hamsari afsonahoi man
Hargiz nabudu nest

Ayinehaye daq
Afsordetarin lahzeye bicharegiye man
Porbartar az cheshme tamashaye shoma bud
Afsune shoma hamsare afsanehaye man
Hargez nabud o nist.

A Yellow Memory

Little by little, bit by bit a crispy chocolate finger disappears between two solid rows of his teeth, and I notice I’ve started talking to myself again and to the walls around that would bear my bickering as much as it goes on. ‘The future is bright’, my sudden dull and gloomy optimism oozes out of my lips and makes him stop chewing the mouth-moistening chocolate and confirms with a nod repeating ‘The future is bright and green’, and ignores what I add to his saying: ‘…and yellow. The future is bright and yellow’. And he walks away preventing me to see how my half-an-hour breathless speech has put a heavy burden on his eyelids, while I’m still explaining to yellow walls how bright the future must be. But even yellow could be considered ‘bright’.

Suddenly I recall a yellow figure, long and clumsy with hands longer than his legs, warped lips borrowed from a shark, huge round eyes to capture as much as possible nailed down in a disproportional head, ears pricky enough to replace Putin’s locators and a tummy eager to enter any room before the skinny rest of its owner.

A decade ago he used to deserve my admiration, perhaps due to a considerable distance between our figures and worlds. The closer I went to discover his world and study his being the deeper went my disappointment. Questions started erupting in my mind if it was the same enthusiastic freedom fighter Mirza whose very first well-appraised journalistic work was a lengthy article based on an interview with a 15-year-old Darius (with a different name).

Our last face to face conversation took place in an elevator by Wenceslas Square in Prague straight after Massoumeh’s resignation was announced. It was his day-off, but he couldn’t afford to miss the meeting and was craving to hear the predictable news and clumsily joined the meeting at its last minutes. By then everything had been done: we had listened to Massi’s moving farewell speech when I was trying not to get too sentimental, and my announcement to follow Massi’s suit and quit my job had risen Michelle (the deputy director)’s eyebrows before turning them into a broken pair of crow wings. He missed the most essential part of the meeting, but Noor was there for him as a trust-worthy informer to whisper a couple of words into his joyful ears: “She’s leaving.” Although he did not know that the picture looks much prettier to his taste and I was leaving too. He discovered it later, but it was too late to retract his silly comments in the elevator: “She had to leave indeed. Just because she did not deserve this position. She was totally accidental.”

I am certain, Mirza still remembers how my outrage brought him to a standstill for a while before leaving the elevator hastily on the second floor while he had pushed the ‘G’ button. Good for him, saved an eye or a ball (I doubt though he got any). But my carelessly thrown words visibly struck his feeble guts: “If you consider her an accidental person what the fuck are you doing here with your walnut-size brain and nothing to deliver except for flattery? Now you are saying this… Mind your words before you utter them and know your tiny space, you little being.”

The only thing he could mutter upon his blocked nose was “You too. You are next to leave.” But when my agony took another revenge the only thing left to do for him was taking his pompous ass out of the elevator before reaching his destination.

After that he was just a tiny pitiful lifeless picture no matter how big his tummy was. A murky moving being entering the space, filling it with disgust as if he’d farted out whatever shit in his bowels was stuck and leaving the premises with no words leaving his curved lips. A fallen head attached to a broken neck on a diminishing figure sits behind a computer, jerks a keyboard and drags his tail between two legs out of the office. While I’m sending my farewell messages loudly over the phone and laughing as if Hadi Khorsandi’s presenting his best act for me.

And now, four months after, I try to fathom out what had caused this unhealthy atmosphere between two of us. The answer is: ‘dollar’. Just 20 or 30 more dollars to be added to his monthly salary by overworking on night shift. I was advocating for those who preferred a decent and civilized nightshift pattern of 4 nights a week. But he thought it was better to work one night more with a day and a half off and get few pennies more. Thus, he decided I was his bitter adversary and did what he did not have to do. His regrets will never work.

But do you think he cares what I’m talking about at all? Of course not. Firstly, this language is out of his reach as his ‘native’ proper Persian. Secondly, he’s serving Turkic rulers at the “Liberty” (what a farce!) at a higher position as a deputy director of Tajik Service with a couple of dollars more than in November. Two dollars! That’s a fortune for some beings. I wish I knew his bank details to transfer two more dollars that I give to beggars in London’s Brixton, to calm down his python appetite.

02.02.07 01:05am